Improve your self-esteem: eliminate negativity (and your TV)
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My sister took me underwear shopping last year for my birthday. Why I had not resupplied my bras and panties in over a year had something to do with an inherent distaste for the lingerie department and a deep annoyance with the exorbitant price of women’s underwear. My sister said something to me that eased my cynicism and allowed me to wander the racks of straps and buckles with an open mind:
It’s important to wear nice things, especially underwear, so that you feel good about yourself when you go into the world.
I never really gave the link between nice panties and self-esteem much thought, but she had a point. When I put on my 5-year old faded pair of Victoria Secret panties, the rest of my attire tends to follow suit (dirty trousers, the t-shirt with the hole in the armpit, and the baggiest, most unflattering hoodie I can find).
What got me started on this anyway? That’s right, it was this article on WebMD about the always uplifting topic of the media’s connection to women’s self-esteem. The message is as you would expect:
The media is largely responsible for women’s’ eroding self-esteem.
But if you read past the depressing research, there’s a more poignant message to women who want to better their self-esteem:
Eliminate negativity.
That means no self-deprecating comments, either to the mirror or to your friends. Focus on the things you like about your looks. And dammit, stop putting off going shopping: buy clothes that you are comfortable in and look the part of someone who loves themself. Confidence: it’s an all-natural, diet- and exercise-free thigh shrinker.
Here’s my advice: throw away your TV. Cancel all magazine subscriptions. Stop reading billboards. Eat well, not less.
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September 27th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Monica,
I love your advice. I consume very little media, because I found that women’s magazines only made me neurotic: the brief respite I found in their pages was short lived, as I read article after article about diet strategies, the new hair do, beauty treatments, and clothing styles. I haven’t watched TV in years. I do love movies, but I select them carefully. I have no idea who is dating whom or what Hollywood starlet is in trouble or even what the must have clothing item is for the season.
And yet I love fashion. I love expressing my creativity in my clothes. But I don’t need the media to fulfill this need: I know what I like to wear. I know what clothes I’m drawn to. I know what styles and colors flatter me. I know what makes me feel pretty.
To me, the media creates anxiety not only by its perfect, impossible images of beauty, but also because its entire viewpoint is shaped around creating a void, a need that requires filling: a need that you may not even know you weren’t meeting. You may be perfectly fine with your style, your hair, your weight, your body, until an expert tells you otherwise.
I’m reminded of professional photos I had recently taken, when a make-up artist kindly suggested I shape my eyebrows. I plucked my brows according to her recommendation, but they looked to sparse for my taste. After the photo shoot, I realized that I liked my brows better before, and grew them back.
When we subscribe to the media’s definitions of beauty, parenting, love, life, work—anything—we give away our power. We become part of the collective unconscious—taking on the majority’s feelings and thoughts, in lieu of our own. Considering that the media often thrives on conflict and bad news, this is usually not a good thing.
Rather, decide for yourself what you like, how you feel about yourself, what makes you feel beautiful. Decide for yourself, and follow your own internal guidance: one motivated by love, self expression, and joy, rather than fear, anxiety, or negativity.
September 28th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Karly, thanks for the comment. I’m struggling to expand on your comment because you summed it up so nicely. I particularly like what you say here:
I know what I like to wear. I know what clothes I’m drawn to. I know what styles and colors flatter me. I know what makes me feel pretty.
THAT is what fashion should be about. In fact, that’s what life should be about: freedom. Freedom to experiment, ffreedom to be creative, freedom to find out who we really are, eyebrows and all. =)